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Stop Spamming Me, People

August 6, 2012

I hate when self-published authors and their family members or buddies run around spamming the crap out of me.

Over at Goodreads, some douchebag’s wife spammed my profile, hawking her husband’s self-published ebook. Apparently, randomly messaging people on that site—users with no connection to, or interest in, that kind of book—is an acceptable promotion technique. Oh. Wait. It isn’t. Commercial publishers don’t do that. Do I get unsolicited messages from Random House? No. Baen? No. Penguin? No. Not even small, commercial publishers do that to me. They do market—they just stick to appropriate venues and tactics. (When I do receive e-mails or other messages from these publishers, it’s because I’ve opted in. I want Baen to tell me when the next Larry Correia ebook is available.)

Oh, and she certainly didn’t reveal that she’s his wife. I suspected that she was connected to him somehow, so I went to the author’s Web site and looked at his bio. (That’s usually a good place to find info about the writer’s family.) Yep. That’s the woman, right there. Spamming me.

Thanks to her, I wouldn’t give his ebook half a second of my time if he showed up at my front door and stuck a .45 in my face. I wouldn’t read his writing if that were the last book in existence. I won’t ever mention the author by name, or the title of his ebook, or any other, identifying details, because I don’t want to promote his work any more than I want to dine on the contents of my compost bucket.

Screw him, screw his spam-spewing wife, and screw his little ebook until it’s a sticky, withered, weeping pile of electrons that did not climax. Congratulations, assholes. You’ve prompted me to create an "Everyone Else Is An Asshole" category for this blog. (Here’s the Reel Big Fish song that inspired the title.)

I’ve had enough of the self-pubbed, promote-ourselves-with-spam assholery. I get too pissed off by the out-of-control "lookit me" crap to visit one of my formerly favorite forums, which was supposed to be about people and our ebook readers. (The forum doesn’t have an "ignore" function; if it did, I’d gleefully use it.) Do not—and I repeat, do not—ruin Goodreads for me too, assholes. Stick to bothering people who’ve opted in by, say, following your Twitter feed or adding you as a Facebook friend. Leave me out of it.

I would like to make one thing painfully obvious, just to be sure there are no misunderstandings. I do not hate self-publishing or self-published authors. This is about the writers and people associated with them who’ve decided that spamming and other, unappreciated tactics are okay for whatever reason. If sites pushing boner pills use the same techniques you’ve picked up, you’re doing it wrong.

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